As If I Was Famous

This is an experiment. These interviews with set questions which appear in the Guardian Weekend every Saturday always intrigue me. I thought I would pretend I was famous and answer them this time - in a first-thing-that-comes-into-my-head kind of way.

When were you happiest?

The first couple of years with H. Finally found the piece of the puzzle that was missing. Family was on the horizon, job was good, life was full of fun and friendship and togetherness.

What is your greatest fear?
Loneliness.

What is your earliest memory?
Waking up from a confusing dream and stumbling into my mum's room.

Which living person do you most admire?

A friend who has been living with terminal Cancer for about six years now yet is always everyone's shoulder to cry on and never feels sorry for herself.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Anxious paranoia.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Malice. That quality which makes certain people purposely put others down and try to harm them psychologically simply to make themselves feel better, more powerful. Also manipulation - playing people off against each other.

Aside from a property, what's the most expensive thing you've bought?
A plane ticket home from Australia via New Zealand, the Cook Islands and Los Angeles.

What is your most treasured possession?
My cat.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?
Worry lines.

If you could go back in time, where would you go?
To the first couple of years with H.

If you could bring something extinct back to life, what would you choose?
My cat who disappeared.

What is your favourite book?
So many but Wuthering Heights I think. Or Alice in Wonderland?

What is the worst thing anyone's said to you?
Don't want to dwell on that.

What is your guiltiest pleasure?
Biscuits and boxsets in the afternoon. Or Home and Away.

To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?
When I was a news reporter I had to do death knocks. Once I ended up on the doorstep of a little girl's house moments after she had died. I would like to say sorry to her parents. I was told to do it but I should have refused and walked away. Later on I pretended I had knocked and never did.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
H.

Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?
My dearest friends.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
I don't understand/ I feel misunderstood.

If you could edit your past, what would you change?
I would say some of the things I was too scared to. Regret lingers on so much more than embarrassment. I would tell lots of boys I liked them, friends that I had had a great time, strangers that I would like to give that a go. I wish I had been less shy in my youth, less afraid of rejection. The best things that have happened in my life involved throwing caution to the wind.

How do you relax?
Lying in a candle-lit bubble bath or in the sun. Both with a book which I sometimes read, sometimes just look at and think about reading.

What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
Children. A family.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Conquering a lot of my fear and shyness.

What keeps you awake at night?
Anxiety.

What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
You can't control it.

Where would you most like to be right now?
In a sunny garden with H and children running round.