Strange Beginnings

I suppose this is a strange time to start blogging about our infertility. I always thought blogs should be the record of some sort of 'journey' which started with a beginning.
In our case we are now too far away from the beginning to go back and recreate it. Too much has already happened and we are both so worn out.
We just are not people at the beginning of something anymore. We just don't have that perspective or energy or sense of hope.
So I am going to launch right in at the middle or wherever it is we are.
It is at least five years since it all started. Or more, if you count dreams and plans and the romance of you falling for your man and see in him the best father you could imagine for your children.
But digression. It has been five years since contraception ended and the trips to doctors started to increase. More than a year since our first diagnosis, and four months since we tried IVF and it failed. We are now trying to work out what happens next.
I have left my job and am not sure whether to look for a new one, focus on further IVF or move to the other side of the world and try to adopt.
I am also unsure what Husband, otherwise known as hub-cap, or I suppose H, wants. Not because I haven't asked him - but because he doesn't seem to know.
There have been times also when I have even questioned us. When I think we have questioned us. That seems lesser, or better, right now. But I know it can easily come back.
Our life is pure limbo. Which can mean freedom, a blank canvas. It can mean time for recuperating and recovering strength. Or it can mean desolation and depression and lack of purpose. Like that proverbial halfway glass it is hard to say. So I have decided to start writing a blog.