Long Wait of Wondering

Yes, we had to get another consultation to talk about the test results with the doctor and she can't do it until Thursday. So it is another Long Wait of Wondering when I have to try not to let the 'what if' s go round and round in circles in my head.
Thought I was handling it ok but H came back on Friday and we talked about it all and he said: "Is this why you've been a bit off-colour?". Oops.
Managed to get distracted with a good weekend though. Went to Bristol to catch up with friends and since a few of us went so it was a good group outing like in the old days.
Forgot all the fertility stuff and just drank away too. Since I don't even know if we are going to go through with another cycle now, and even if we are it won't be for ages, it seemed silly to deny myself.
There was a bit of a moment with 2 of the girls at the start. They are a bit younger and one has just got married and started complaining because people were assuming she was about to get pregnant. They then both started getting annoyed at people's presumptions about this sort of thing and laugh about all the people they knew who had got pregnant to schedule a day or minute after they got married.
I don't know why it made my spirits plunge and got me so angry to hear them. Part of me really felt, so what? Why are these such terrible things for people to think/say/do? Another part thought how can you complain about something like this in front of me when you know what I have been through this year? And another thought - it is because they are both trying for babies and are preoccupied with the scenario and don't want people to nosy into their lives.
What they were saying was just all so very very far from my experience that I all of a sudden felt very isolated and lonely and distant from them and all the 'normal' fertiles out there who can pick and choose when and how to get pregnant.
I suppose because of the Long Wait of Wondering I also didn't want to think about anything to do with babies at all - let alone be reminded about the profound difference between me and 'normal' people.
I don't want people to feel as if they have to walk on eggshells around me so have learnt to just shut up, not make a big deal and maybe walk into another room when this sort of thing happens. It is what I did on this occasion. But it does amaze me constantly that intelligent, thoughtful friends who know what I have been going through don't seem to realise having these sort of conversations in front of me is hurtful.