Waiting for the Magic Show to End

Last night I came back from seeing a friend and H was sleeptalking again. "I am waiting for the magic show to end," he said.
I seem to have got into the habit of seeing everything as a metaphor recently and this was no exception.
It has been a long time since I last wrote. Christmas has happened and our trip to Australia to see H's family and things have gone very bad between me and him. Espedcially last weekend, when we got back, our first chance to talk about things.
It all feels very bleak at the moment. Am not sure if we can stay together after the things said and done. If we can stay together am not sure if we are strong enough to do IVF again - it seems to be tearing us apart. He says the whole process has brought out the worst in both of us.
But saying goodbye to all that wrenches at my heart.

When we were in Australia we went to a forest one day where Tingle trees grow. Tingles are one of the biggest trees on the continent but have relatively small root systems and grow in shallow soils. A lot of them had chimneys, or blackened hollows caused by fire or insect/fungal attack. These gaping holes tend to grow as the Tingle grows, until some were a gaping void of space which the tree then depends upon. Not only was it impossible for these hallows to close up, but it was part of the fabric of the tree that they exist.
Again, the metaphors.